Was I a normal kid? A confession.

Banally, my childhood was not all about sunshine. 

In retrospect, I may not have been the normal kid that I thought I was. You can be the judge as to how well I sit on the normal scale and whether I am disqualified as a fellow ADHD child.

{One} Apart from my friends at school, I'm a lone soul at home when my parents are at work. I've professed the art of monologue, I build my own marble run, participate in my own plays, and read over my collection of books and if I care enough, I'll rearrange them in terms of height or in terms of colours. I have plenty of time to ponder about my own matter and my own feelings pre-kindy.

{Two} When I'm old enough for the munchkin's school, the few remarks I recollect from mom was that while others are learning alphabets, I was doing cartwheels at the back of the classroom. In turn, I had to retake the class a second time before I fully grasp what I was learning. I probably didn't see the point of sitting when I can kill two birds with one stone, but my cartwheel days still remain a mystery to me because apart from mom's, I really can't recall a thing. [Moving in a way soothes me, and clears my thought.]

{Three} As a lone kid,  I am significantly disturbed by the fact that I am always the one that has to go to bed early while my parents enjoy their late nights in front of the TV. I would toss and turn and do yoga or ballet type warm-up routines (because I did ballet for a short while) on the bed when I really should be sleeping; or veil myself with doona and breath underneath it until I feel I need some fresh air, or that I'd try to hold my breath and see how long it will last,  etcetra etcetra.

{Four} Social situations are not so fairy either. I remember this one occasion that I was base enough to lie to my mate - with a full conscious that it is worse than pure mischief- that I have destroyed her toys only to make her cry. I felt that my impulsiveness was on an overdrive that if I don't do it, I will feel very uncomfortable as if trying to stop myself from sneezing. (As a young kid, I was shocked by how apathetic and callous I could be)

This was not the only incident that happened. As I got a bit older,there's this one incident where I justified myself for stealing money from my parent's wallet to buy some coloured pens that my mom has refused to purchase for me earlier (but later did only to find out that I have already bought them myself). I cannot fathom what it would be like, if my parents have not been capable enough to meet my needs, stealing would probably be my initial instinct if I have to earn a living. I think I would have been in juvenile detention (which still haunts me today).

{Five}Growing up, I was a very sensitive kid. My parents have the habit of having midday snoozes before work, so naturally I followed their regime. On several accounts, I have woken up not finding them on my sides, I would run to the stairwell and yell out to my mom. If I can't fetch her-knowing full well that my dad is only 2 stories below me-working- I will still sob like there's not tomorrow. Once, I decided I dash back to my table, draw a portrait of mom, and cleverly stick it on our bedroom door, and sob as it as if my mom's never returning (again knowing full well my father is in the vicinity). As I sat in front of the portrait, I'd think about the probability of having both of my parents dead, and what I'd do as a lone kid in this world. I worry a lot of these things, but then again, I never told my parents. (Is it weird at all that kids as young as 4-6 think about death?) I also have the tendency to empathize with a mass of sufferers.

However sensitive I was, bereavement and caring aren't always a breeze. Grief wasn't present when my maternal grandfather and uncle (whom I'm both really close to) died, which I was too reluctant to discuss with my mom. I also find it extremely hard to genuinely care about someone else's misfortune, when they're clearly in agony  e.g. severe joint dislocation due to sports injury.

{Six}If my parents (esp. my mom) would have to describe the younger me, they would say that "forgetting" is a prevalent occurrence. I would miss pack a book or two to school or forget to bring things that we're asked to bring for school subjects. 

{Seven} I feel that the best way to ease into some homework is to listen to some music . My mom especially loathe it, because she thinks I am excusing myself of work. I get more frustrated when she decided to turn it off.[I didn't know at the time why I had to do it, but again, in retrospect, I realize that like running or moving around, this has a soothing effect for my brain. ]

{Eight} Reading time. I remember having an immense difficulty understanding how the long hand works in a clock. Vast majority of the class got the gist, it took me 1 or 2 grade levels up to understand why. On a separate note, I prefer clock face watches as opposed to digital watch [not sure if this has an bearing on ADHD.

{Nine} I have the propensity to start a book and not finish it.

There is a whole host of other reasons why I see ADHD in trickles of my childhood. The statements that I've provided may not pertain strongly to ADHD , but I think they are faint signs of the problem. Having said that, I refuse to consider hyperactive & the occasional distracted mind a "disorder". I think there should be more research done to justify this term.

* I shall discuss more in-depth about how these things affect me in adulthood.

Yours, lovingly,
Miss Ginger Tea